Reflection on John 15:12

John 15:12 "I command you to love each other in the same way that I love you."

I am writing this the day after being turned down for a job I desperately wanted, and seriously believed that God would bless me with it. So I am trying to recover from the deep spiritual pain of bitter disappointment. I'm contemplating the verse above in the dim light of an aching heart.

We have a reversed set of values for our relationships with Jesus. When we find ourselves unloved by the world, we are unsurprised. In fact, we regard this lack of surprise as a healthy response, for it would be quite unhealthy to expect the World to love us.

In our Christian relationships, however, the expectation is rather different. We know that the above commandment is supposed to not be an option, and that not only must we be loving towards each other, but that God is going to be loving toward us. So, when we are disappointed in our expectation of how He is going to show His love, or how our Christian brothers and sisters show it, we are quite devastated. Well, I am, anyway.

I had a huge disappointment dealt to me not long ago by a Christian brother to whom I am very close. Denying me my wish was the last thing I expected him to do. I had asked him in state of firm belief, knowing that because he loved me, he would allow me to do what I wanted. In the moments that followed this devastating disappointment, I was naturally inclined to be hurt and angry, and was about to respond with harsh words and unforgiveness. But because we were in a public setting, I had to exercise some restraint and hold back, blink away the tears and calm down. In those few moments I decided to forgive him, and move on. Later in the evening, without giving any details, I asked some other friends to pray for me to have the strength to get over the hurt and disappointment, which they did with their usual grace and love.

This restraint is a new discipline I have had to learn over the years, because the consequences of "blowing up" have never been good. But I marvel now that I am able to do it so well, and can only surmise that it is the Spirit of Christ that strengthens me to do it, for before I had Him, I was never very successful in holding my temper in check.

It must also be His Spirit which enabled me to pretty much instantly forgive my friend. Before, in my "B.C." life, I would have turned away from my brother and refused to have anything more to do with him. He would have become persona non grata to me forever, and I would have held a hatred for him in my heart for many years.

So I have surprised myself by the choice I made to exercise Grace. That doesn't mean I have stopped hurting, but it does meant that I have not dissolved a relationship that is far more valuable to me that is getting my own way.

The situation I am faced with now is much the same, only the person who has disappointed me is God. Again I am faced with the choice to respond with hatred and anger, or with Grace. I am either going to turn away from Him and be separated from Him by the hurt and anger, or I am going to put aside the hurt and anger and forgive Him, thereby maintaining the most valuable relationship I have ever had.

Love is very much a "two-way street". Jesus never said "you love Me"; He said "I love you", and "I have loved you with an everlasting love". And just as the scripture says "We love each other as a result of his loving us first." 1 John 4:19, and further down "And God himself has commanded that we must love not only him but our Christian brothers and sisters, too." 1 John 4:21.
It is with unconditional, everlasting love that He loves us. "Unconditional love" means loving someone without conditions like "you must never hurt me/disappoint me/disobey me". To be like Him we must show that same unconditional love, not only to each other, but to Him. That means we must show forgiveness, even when He disappoints us, and when we disappoint each other.